I really am so tired of this. So tired of putting myself out there. As soon as I finally let go, take that final step over the ledge and just go for it, that’s when they turn around and stab me in the back. The illusion can only last so long before you see somebody for what they really are. And that’s what hurts the most. Thinking you knew them better than anyone and then finding out it’s been a lie.

Despite how long it’s been, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over any of them. It doesn’t matter how much time I spend calling them names or reaffirming what horrible people they were with my best friends. It doesn’t matter how many songs there are that I can’t listen to without thinking of them. It doesn’t matter how many months and seasons and maybe even years go by. It doesn’t matter how much I try to portray myself as strong and independent so no one knows I’m crying inside. It doesn’t matter, even, that I’ve met new people and found new loves. They will always be there somewhere, in the back of my mind. Maybe shoved behind a few doors to try to keep them out of my every day thoughts because the hurt that once existed is still there. They will always be there, crammed together in a room saved for all of those that broke my heart.